Friendship, Relationships

When Someone Doesn’t Like You For No Reason (Or So You Think)

when someone doesn't like you for no reason

It’s a universal fact that not everyone you meet is going to like you. And while it’s a well-known statement, it can actually be pretty hard to deal with when it comes true. I’ve had a handful of times when I was hit with the realization that someone I knew just didn’t like me. A few times, it was a friend’s boyfriend or girlfriend, other times it was a classmate, or a coworker. Most of the time, the reasons people don’t like you don’t even have to do with you or anything you did. Sometimes, people just won’t like you. And when someone doesn’t like you for no reason (or so it seems), here’s what to do.

Take Accountability

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Sometimes, it really isn’t your fault… but sometimes, it can be. Even if you’re not sure exactly what you did, take accountability that something you said or did might have offended them. You can’t know every single person’s family life, background or history, so you also can’t know what might set them off. If you made an inside joke you thought would be OK around your friend group that can actually come off as offensive, it might have offended or at least startled them. Small little things like tone, facial expressions and wording can be just enough for someone to be rubbed the wrong way.

Don’t Try To Change Yourself

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Unless you are actually being rude or offensive to strangers (then please change your ways), don’t ever change yourself in order to fit someone else’s mold. Sometimes it can feel detrimental – like you have to convince them to like you or your life will fall apart. But you should never convince anyone to like you. They either don’t, or they do. And who you are should never be altered for anyone. As long as you are giving it your all and your best – if they don’t like you, it’s their loss. I’ve actually lost out on friends because of this type of situation. I had a guy friend whose girlfriend got “bad vibes” from me, resulting in one of my best guy friends never talking to me again. It took a really long time to come to terms with, but it all had to do with the next step…

Understand How Insecurities Manifest

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Most of the time, when people don’t like you, it’s because of their insecurities or traumas manifesting. Don’t count yourself innocent here – I can’t be the only who has looked at someone and had an immediate distaste for them. Most of the time, I find myself immediately comparing myself to other girls – and my personal insecurities manifest, causing me to immediately not like them. It’s not who they are as a person, if they’ve done anything to me, or even about them – it’s about me. A lot of the time you feel like you don’t like someone “for no reason,” it’s because they are sparking a deep-rooted insecurity or trauma living inside you. For my friend’s girlfriend, I found out he had revealed to her that he once had a crush on me, which obviously caused a chasm in their relationship (and their relationship with me). Why a guy would ever, ever tell his girlfriend this is BEYOND me, but I absolutely understood how she felt after that. That type of revelation sparks jealousy, frustration, possessiveness, and so many other feelings that are insanely hard to ignore.

Basically, what I’m trying to say is, is that most of the time someone “doesn’t like you,” it’s actually a secret compliment. Most of the time, they are jealous of you. Even if they don’t realize it or that truth hasn’t hit the surface yet, they probably think you are fun, bubbly, outgoing, beautiful… they probably think you have a characteristic that they strive for, or that they lack. You’re the blueprint of something they want to be – and because they aren’t, it can manifest and transform into “dislike” or “hate” instead of what it really is – “jealousy” or “admiration.”

Let It Go

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Even if you psychoanalyze the hell out of them and figure out why they don’t like you, you won’t be able to change their mind. Actually, you’d probably just piss them off even more. Don’t try to fix the situation. As much as it sucks, and even if you’ll lose out on more than just the prospect of their friendship (like other friends they’ll take with them), it’s OK. Let it go. It hurt my feelings so much when my friend who I’d known for years threw me in the trash over his girlfriend who “didn’t like my vibes,” but it was the way it was meant to be. It’s been a few years now and my life is blooming without their presence. You don’t need to surround yourself with people who don’t like you or don’t bring you joy. Honestly, letting it go is the best and only choice.

Don’t know what to do when someone doesn’t like you for no reason (or so it seems)?! We hope this article helps you understand and move on! Haters are gonna hate. Comment below with other advice!

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