This article was written by The Zillennial Zine’s summer editorial intern Ana Sofia Corral Morales. Find her on Instagram at @sofi.photographsss. If you would like to share an article with The Zillennial, send us an email at thezillennialzine@gmail.com.
The idea of becoming strangers with someone that used to be your everything seems pretty scary. That’s why a lot of couples stay friends after their breakup, they don’t seem to get that closure. But in what other contexts would exes stay in contact after their breakup? Is it the best for their development? When is it a bad idea? All those questions are going to be answered in this article, to see if you can really be friends with your ex.
Why Would Exes Stay In Contact After Their Breakup?
Some reasons on why you could be friends with your ex are the following:
- Shared social groups: In this type of situation, staying friends can be the best option in order to maintain harmony within the group. If not, everything is going to get really awkward for the rest of the members. “Should we invite them? No, they’re my ex, I’d rather not”. And that’s how you crumble a friend group.
- Co-parenting: For couples with children, maintaining a positive relationship benefits their interactions with the children. It’s important to prioritize the role of parents over the past relationship, to blossom a good bond in the long term.
- Professional relationship/colleagues: Professionalism should be put in first place, and setting boundaries to separate personal and professional interactions is key. You should be able to support each other’s professional growth and collaborate effectively. Personally, that gives hints of an emotionally mature dynamic.
- Genuine Friendship: Maybe you realize mid relationship that you work better off as friends, and that’s ok, you fulfill your role as a friend better than as a partner. Research shows that friends with benefits arrangements often dissolve amicably unto friendships if the people were once good friends.
- Closure: If you’re not entirely over the relationship, you may try to find a friendship in order to seek closure.
When Is It A Good Idea?
Being friends with your ex can be a good idea if you and your ex have:
- Platonic and not romantic feelings
- A mutual source of support
- If you have processed the breakup and have enough maturity to maintain a supportive friendship without emotional baggage.
When Is It A Bad Idea?
One of the primary reasons you can’t be friends with your ex is the presence of unresolved emotions. If one or both parties hold onto feelings of love, resentment or anger, these emotions can complicate the friendship. If the past relationship was dominated by toxicity or abuse, staying friends will only encourage more abuse. In such situations, it’s crucial to prioritize one’s mental health and emotional well-being by maintaining distance (focusing on self-care and healing). In what other escenarios is it bad to be friends with your ex?
- You or your ex lied or cheated and seriously hurt each other. The lack of trust won’t work in any relationship.
- You still have feelings for your ex and they don’t, and vice versa.
- You’re feeling lonely and want comfort.
- You’re trying to get gossip on what their life is without you, and do it with no genuine interest.
How To Make It Work?
Respect is the main element. Respect each other’s boundaries, decisions and new relationships as it is essential for a friendship to arise. The last thing people want to be worrying about is any feelings of jealousy or possessiveness while trying to enjoy a new relationship. The other main element is emotional maturity. Both individuals must be able to process their emotions healthily. Emotional maturity involves recognizing that the relationship is over, acknowledging any remaining feelings, and committing to move forward without resentment or unresolved issues.
After a breakup, whether you stay friends or not, it’s crucial to take some time apart to get some clarity. It can help both individuals gain perspective and reflex if they really want and need a friendship after the relationship. Friendships, like all bonds, evolve over time. That’s why you gotta be prepared for the possibility that the friendship with your ex may change or even fade away as both of you continue each personal’s path and develop new connections. Embrace the change with grace, reflexion and communication.
To sum up, the answer to this question varies depending on the unique circumstances of each relationship. While some ex-couples find it easy to navigate through a friendship after a romantic bond, others find it better to just stay in distance. But don’t forget, your values and emotional maturity are keys to keep sane and give you a sense of direction in what might be one of the most difficult times in a long period.
Drop a comment below giving your opinion: Can you really be friends with your ex?
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