This article was written by The Zillennial Zine’s summer editorial intern Jordyn Centerwall. Find her on Instagram at @jordyncenterwall. If you would like to share an article with The Zillennial, send us an email at thezillennialzine@gmail.com.
When I was a freshman in high school I made friends who happened to be Mormon. Truly some of the nicest people I have ever met. I even ended up going to a Mormon dance with them. I remember having to buy a long dress for the occasion and my friends telling me about all the rules before we got dropped off. So when I heard a TV show was coming out about a soft swinging scandal in the midst of MomTok, a Mormon mom influencer community, I knew I would be sat.
If you’re hoping for a hard-hitting expose on the Mormon community, this show will leave you wanting. But it might leave you with some questions. I binged eight episodes in just a couple of days, and immediately jumped on Google to scrounge for some of the specifics the show left out. If like me you felt like you didn’t quite catch the soft swinging Mormon meaning, or just want more juicy details, this article is for you.
What is MomTok and how did it start?
MomTok is described by the women in the show as a positive online community designed to encourage empowerment for mothers and especially mothers who identify as Mormon. The movement started on TikTok in 2020 during the pandemic lockdown and originally featured three women: Taylor Frankie Paul, Miranda McWhorter and Camille Munday. These three had begun posting mom content videos on their own before they met up to collaborate. From there, more women were brought into the group. At one point MomTok became a content house, like the Hype House, with over 20 different moms cycling in and out of content that appears to be solely posted on individual accounts. The platform reached its peak in 2022, but was rocked by a livestream where Paul announced that she and other members of MomTok had been participating in “soft swinging.”
What is Soft Swinging?
Curious about the soft swinging Mormon meaning? Paul describes soft swinging as an agreement her and her now ex-husband Tate had with some of their friends that included everything except going all the way. In the show, Paul explains this included kissing and touching without going “all the way.” This is assumed to refer to full penetrative sexual intercourse. In her original live stream, Paul announced that she had “stepped out of her agreement” with her husband and as a result they would be getting a divorce. Other than that, it is unclear what boundaries might exist. Paul even admitted in an interview with Nick Viall that they didn’t really know what they were doing, with Viall suggesting that it sounded like strict boundaries had not been discussed prior to engaging in the behavior.
Swinging itself is a type of ethical non-monogamy which is usually sexual in nature. What separates soft swinging to this according to Paul is the fact that they did not go all the way and did so in front of their partners. In her interview with Viall, Paul describes the activities as taking place in a living room and often occurring when people were intoxicated.
Who Are The Moms On The Show?
Of the original three moms, only Paul appears on The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. Both Munday and McWhorter allegedly received offers to be on the show, which Miranda shared on a podcast, but turned the offer down. There has been some drama in the aftermath of the show with Paul suggesting that she was the reason Munday and McWhorter chose not to partake.
Paul is joined on the show by Whitney Leavitt, 31, Mikayla Matthews, 24, Mayci Neely, 29, Jessi Ngatikura, 32, Demi Engemann, 30, Layla Taylor, 23, and Jen Affleck, 25. All members except for Affleck were a part of MomTok prior to the swinging scandal, and all have claimed to not have been a part of it.
What Role Does “Mormonism” Play In The Show?
The women in the show are presented as representing a wide spectrum of piety. The show even makes drama out of it by creating an “angels vs devils” dynamic highlighting the women who follow the rules to a tee, and the ones that have a looser interpretation. There are many instances in the show where the women touch on the things that are and are not allowed in the LDS religion. Some wear undergarments to protect the sanctity of their marriage, and some don’t. Some shun alcohol completely and only drink soda, while others imbibe occasionally.
In the show, the closest we get to showing any of the families going to church is Whitney packing snacks for their family, her and her husband both clearly dressed for the occasion. Other than this scene, there is only one other that comes to mind as involving something directly tied to the religion: Jen’s baby blessing. In the episode, they somewhat gloss over the details of what this ceremony is, instead focusing on the drama of only some women being invited to the ceremony. I think the blessing itself is one of the most interesting elements in the show though.
Mormon baby blessings normally happen in church. However, they can also take place at home if the proper arrangements are made. In this case, one could surmise that since they would be filming the ceremony, they had to do it at home since according to the handbook, blessings should not be filmed. Jen explains that during a blessing, the child held by members close to the child carrying the priesthood. In the show we see her husband, Zac, and other men present at the ceremony form a circle and hold the child while the women all sit silently. and pray. Afterward, Jen explains that only men can carry the priesthood and therefore bless the child.
The scene ends and viewers are left feeling like a piece of the conversation is missing. MomTok, the supposed female empowerment group of Mormon mothers, offers no commentary on how this contradicts the supposed changes they’re calling for on their social media platforms.
After The Show
The show wraps up with Taylor Frankie Paul giving birth and Jen Affleck telling the group she’s planning on leaving MomTok in order to move to New York while he husband, Zac starts medical school. All of the women on the show have been making their rounds doing interviews, appearing on podcasts and television programs. The show has not yet been renewed for a second season.
Since the show was released last weekend, something else interesting has started to pop up surrounding the mom TikTok community. In the last few days several creators have expressed their surprise at finding out what MomTok “actually” is, implying that perhaps they didn’t know it was specific to the Mormon mom community. Lots of creators had assumed that the hashtag was generalized to all stay-at-home mothers and some felt somewhat alienated when they found out what the hashtag was actually attached to. “#NotmyMomTok,” one video tagged as a creator suggested that other moms who felt the same needed to find a new hashtag to use.
What did you think of the soft swinging Mormon meaning and “The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives?” Drop a comment down below!
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