This article was written by The Zillennial Zine’s senior fall editorial intern Dalal Daher. Find her on Instagram at @dalalllldaher. If you would like to share an article with The Zillennial, send us an email at thezillennialzine@gmail.com.
Should we get matching couples pajamas? Are we spending the holidays at my family’s or yours? Are we even at that stage of a relationship yet? Is this gift too over-the-top if we’ve only been dating a few months? These are just some of the nagging questions that may plague you if you’re facing relationship anxiety this holiday season. Spending this upcoming winter coupled up can be amazing, but the mix of relationships and holidays, especially for newer relationships, is saddled with worries, and it’s completely understandable! Read on to find some tips on how to truly enjoy the holidays and conquer this relationship fear.
Do some self-reflection
If you have relationship anxiety this holiday season, you may not even realize it! Especially if you’re more of an anxious person or have an anxious attachment style, the spike in stress you’re feeling may not even register until the holidays hit. To assess if you’re feeling heightened worry about your relationship during this time, ask yourself some questions about how you’ve been feeling.
Do you feel like you’ve been obsessing way more over your relationship now than before? When you visualize yourself on the day of a holiday like Thanksgiving or Christmas, are you fixating on your partner’s role or presence on that day? Do you find yourself spending longer than usual debating what gift to get your significant other, and how does that thought process make you feel? Actively thinking about questions like these, more geared towards your specific situation, will help you notice if you’ve been subconsciously much more anxious than normal about your relationship this season.
What else is on your mind?
Relationship anxiety may also be heightened if the holidays are a stressful time for you in general. If you suffer from seasonal depression, have a strained or fractured relationship with your family, or any trauma relating to the holidays, it’s going to majorly impact your mood as well. Be honest with yourself about what other factors are adding to your stress and reflect on how that may be affecting your perception of your partner!
Communication is key
Once you’ve introspected on if you do have relationship holiday anxiety, and anything else weighing you down, it’s time to be open with your partner. You’re meant to support each other, and communicating with them about your general holiday worries and expectations is so helpful! It may be tempting to just see these issues as personal but it’s important to have these talks with your significant other.
Whatever’s been on your mind, this is the time to share it. From the unrealistic expectations of ‘perfect’ social media couples to the challenges of spending the holidays apart or splitting time with your families, talking this out preemptively will reduce the amount of arguing and stress you guys may run into.
Once you have fully discussed your holiday worries, set your standards clear for what would make you feel better during this stressful time. It’s better to elucidate this before the holidays hit. Clarifying to your partner that you may be in a more irritable mood or in need of extra affection, or perhaps delineating certain topics to avoid around this time, are examples of preemptive holiday communication
Acknowledge your feelings
If you’re feeling guilty or sad that this relationship anxiety is taking away from your quality time with loved ones- don’t! It’s completely normal to be stressed about these things. Whether it’s your first holiday season with your partner and you’re worried about spending time apart from them, sacrificing time with your family, or integrating them into your family’s holiday plans, or you and your long-term S.O. are inundated with planning for your household, holidays are a lot of mental work.
You can simultaneously be excited for milestones like your first holiday together and also worried about juggling family obligations and relationship goals. The key is to focus on the positives of this moment, rather than the stress. Remember that behind all this anxiety is the affection you feel for your person, and that you honestly can’t control everything. Whether or not things go exactly according to plan, if you look at any minor mishap as something to laugh at down the line rather than a catastrophe it’ll make your experience much better as well!
Enjoy yourself
Ultimately, try to emphasize the positives and diminish the ‘negatives.’ You can’t force everything to flow perfectly, especially when other people are involved. As long as you’re communicating openly with your partner and family, you’ve done what you could. This holiday season is supposed to be fun for everyone- including you! So take a deep breath and know it’ll all work out as it should.
And if that doesn’t work, maybe bring some holiday wine to the festivities….
What do you think about how to balance relationships and holidays? Let us know in the comments below!
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