This article was written by The Zillennial Zine’s spring editorial intern Lindsay Daneen. Find her on Instagram at @_lindsay_daneen. If you would like to share an article with The Zillennial, send us an email at thezillennialzine@gmail.com.
Many of us were taught that romantic relationships take priority over friendships when we grow up. Maybe you were told this directly or witnessed this behavior through others. But we are all familiar with the sentiment. Although as children, the importance of friendship was emphasized. Whether it was with your kindergarten sandbox buddy, high school bestie, college roommate, or even a teammate, these relationships were encouraged. However, after a certain age, we are expected to act as if our romantic relationships are the only ones we need. This may lead some to wonder, are friendships important? I’m here to tell you that they absolutely are! Maintaining and preserving your friendships is equally important to nurturing your romantic relationships.
To be clear I am not telling you how to run your relationships whether platonic or romantic. I am strictly here to stress the importance of balance. There can be so much love and fulfillment in both types of relationships, and I don’t feel like we live in a world where we need to disregard one kind of love simply because we have access to another. So, let’s break down some of the key items in relationships.
Intimacy
Intimacy is usually associated with sex. But intimacy is just closeness, familiarity, attachment, and even coziness. These are feelings you can undoubtedly experience with your friends. And if you ask me, having intimacy without sex can make a relationship that much stronger. Imagine a connection with someone so deep and sincere that it doesn’t need physical touch to be validated. Imagine someone who knows what you love and hate because they’ve invested so much time in you. Now imagine that person not being physically attracted to you and still wanting to spend time with you, compliment and support you. A connection like that is powerful and should be cherished. That’s friendship.
Quality Time
Being your own person is important in your relationship. Your common interests may not always align with your romantic partner. For example, he may have wanted to see Oppenheimer in theaters and she may have planned to see Barbie. Or maybe you’ll have difficulty convincing your partner to go skydiving or to a haunted house with you. Whatever it may be that’s what friends are for! And that’s okay! Friends are who you call when you don’t want to miss out on the things you love simply because your partner doesn’t love them. It allows you to respect the boundaries of your partners without shifting the balance of your relationship. Give and take is great in a relationship but sometimes it’s okay to spare them from your favorite horror movie marathon if scary movies give them nightmares.
Isolation
I’ll admit that romantic relationships can feel like fairytales that you never want to end. That’s one of the wonderful things about them. But eventually you may feel left out when it comes to the outside world. We often self-isolate when we believe that our significant other marks all the boxes we need in life. But if only it were that simple. You’ll eventually need space and it doesn’t feel good when you are on the outside looking in. Life goes on around you and while you’re in your fairytale your friend may be going through hell. Or maybe they are experiencing a fairytale too and want to share the good news. It doesn’t feel good when people you care about drop in and out of your life when it’s convenient. Your friends should always be there for you.
Growth
Growth is something that requires perspective. Sometimes it isn’t easy to see the bigger picture or areas for personal improvement when you’re too close to the situation. Significant others can see the absolute best in us. They can also see the worst. Love does that. But friends are there to tell you when you’re wrong or even when you’re right. Perspective from people who love you unconditionally want the best for you and aren’t blinded by physical intimacy is priceless. The right friendships can have you truly looking at yourself in the mirror. They can even help you build communication skills that are integral in any relationship.
Unnecessary Pressure
Theoretically our significant others are supposed to be there through thick and thin, sickness and health, etc. I wholeheartedly agree. In a perfect world, our partners will always deliver and be the person we need in every situation. I’m sorry to tell you that’s also unrealistic. Our partners are perfectly imperfect, and they are only ONE person. Regardless of their dedication, they can’t be everything you need 100% of the time. Friends are there to take the load off. If your partner is more solution driven that may not be what you need. You may need to call your friend to vent that day. That’s fine! Your partner is still amazing. They simply may not be the best person to discuss everything with. Friends take the unnecessary pressure of subconsciously requiring your partner to be perfect. You accept and love them for who they are. Just tag your friends in.
Celebrations
Engagement parties, weddings, pregnancies, birthday parties! Aren’t these all things you want to celebrate with your friends? Who else is supposed to stand behind you as you say, “I do?” Who’s supposed to make sure that your crazy drunk uncle doesn’t knock down the wedding cake while you dance at the reception? Who’s supposed to drive you to the airport for your honeymoon? And who else is supposed to be a safe space for your children when they’re at the age when they don’t want your advice? Friends were made for every single one of these scenarios.
Breakups
Now let’s talk about something that no one likes. If you’ve ever experienced a breakup whether you did the breaking up or you were broken up with, you know that they can be painful. For many, it’s a time that requires isolation to heal. For others, it’s time to call on your friend circle. Speaking as someone who has experienced a breakup, I can’t explain how refreshing it was to have my friends to cry with or to hug. It was the best distraction from my pain to hang out with them and enjoy life. They filled in the time I would have normally spent with my partner at a time that I needed to recalibrate and deal with the loss. That sense of community was pivotal during that healing and readjustment period.
I must also emphasize that during my relationship I made sure to maintain my friendships. I spent time with my partner, but I also made time for my friends. That healthy balance also allowed my partner and I to be ourselves in and out of the relationship. Another thing that isn’t discussed enough is how relationships often work best when both people are in tune with themselves. Friendships allow you to be a different version of yourself. You’re not a part of a couple you’re an individual in a group of people you relate to on many levels.
I strongly urge you to make your friends a priority. Balance is the name of the game. Marriage and partnerships don’t require you to abandon your other loved ones. It may require some rearranging of priorities and schedules. But they don’t need to be swapped out. Maintaining friendships means sending a text to express that you’re thinking of them. It means sending flowers after they get the promotion they’ve been working toward. Or if you’re like a couple of my friends you meet up once a year for a vacation free of partners and kids. It’s the little things that nurture your friendships and don’t require you to neglect your significant other. Friendships are relationships too. They’re possibly the purest kind. So the next time someone asks, “Are friendships important?” Tell them, “Hell yeah!” There are 8,760 hours in a year. Use them wisely and make time for your friends.
So, are friendships important? What do you think? Let us know in the comments below!
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