This article was written by The Zillennial Zine’s spring editorial intern Jeanny Sánchez Gómez. Find them on Instagram at @jeanny_sanchez. If you would like to share an article with The Zillennial, send us an email at thezillennialzine@gmail.com.
We all get the Sunday scaries. Whether it’s dreading the week to come and everything we have to do. Or realizing you didn’t take advantage of the day as much as possible, and feeling like you just let it go to waste. Whichever reason, it’s just a nagging reminder of the week’s annoyances that you will have to go through again. It’s this annoying feeling of dread and apprehension that happens like clockwork and having the birthday scaries is ten times worse.
As a kid, I can’t help but remember all the good birthdays I had. Surrounded by family, music blasting, and a bounce house in sight, birthdays are something you look forward to when you’re young. So what changed? Is it just the general fear of getting older? Disappointment about another year of not reaching your goals? Whatever it is, Bo Burnham somehow manages to sum it up in “30”, which I play on every birthday despite still being in my early twenties.
It can be hard to pinpoint the exact reason why celebrating your birthday goes from something you look forward to to something you try to ignore. For a long time, I felt like I was the only one to feel this way, but on TikTok, there is video after video of people who are feeling the same way.
Overwhelming
The birthday blues as it is described on TikTok, shows endless amounts of reasons that people also dread celebrating their birthdays. Some might just be overwhelmed by the pressure of having a good day. Everyone always says, “It’s your birthday! You shouldn’t be sad” and that’s always easier said than done. Whether the pressure of enjoying yourself is too much or even just thinking too much about how much you have or haven’t done in the past year, being confronted by all this in a small time frame hardly leads to any productive feelings.
Forcing yourself to enjoy your birthday or being too hard on yourself just adds weight to your shoulders leading up to your birthday which takes the excitement out of it.
Milestones
Whether you’re turning an age considered a milestone or a loved one is, the responsibility that comes with that age can make a birthday even more overwhelming. When I had a quinceañera, not only was this milestone a coming of age in my culture, but I also carried the weight of having the best quinceañera for both my sister and mom who didn’t get their own. What was supposed to be every teen girl’s dream, was a living nightmare for months on end. On the other hand, when my parents turned 50, both my sister and I, couldn’t stop reminding them of their age, until my mom decided that we kept making her feel old and decided she would stop aging after this birthday. Getting to a milestone age can be a stressful reminder of where you are in life.
High-Expectations
If you’re like me and tend to have people-pleasing tendencies you tend to try too hard in making sure everyone else is having fun. Whether you planned your party or not, all of a sudden I’m no longer thinking about what I want, but what everyone else would want. Being asked your opinion, when it feels like the majority of the time it isn’t taken into account, is jarring. Even knowing that it’s your day and realistically no one is going to be upset about how it goes, adds pressure on making sure everyone has a good time.
Loneliness
Now this is one that I felt during a good amount of birthdays, especially during my college years. Moving away from college and attending a predominately white university, I already felt isolated from those around me. Despite having some friends who I already knew before college attending with me helped, but it didn’t fix the problem. There was already a lingering feeling of loneliness at college and when my birthdays came around, that feeling was exemplified. On top of that, there was the souring relationship with my parents, and celebrating milestones just felt unnecessary. This is possibly the biggest reason, people dread their birthdays. The feeling of isolation is hard to fight when you already feel disconnected from those around you and who would want a reminder of the lack of people in their life?
Reflection
Reflecting on your past year when your birthday comes around can be both a good and a bad thing. It’s eye-opening in the ways you have or haven’t changed and can lead to growth for the year to come depending on how you handle it.
The bad part of reflecting comes when you can’t stop beating yourself up for how little has changed. Maybe you’re not where you want to be financially or in your career. Maybe you feel like you’re not doing enough like your friends that are the same age. It’s that moment of realization that you didn’t do enough that makes turning another year older feel daunting. You keep getting older, yet nothing feels like it’s getting better.
On the flip side, it can be healing to reflect on all the little ways you’ve grown since last year. Whether it was setting more boundaries, being consistent about setting healthy routines, or even just reading more books. This is a good time to appreciate the everyday things that have become a part of you over the years. The big accomplishments are also a rewarding thing to reflect on. Quitting a bad job, starting school, or starting a family, it’s a great way to see how much you are capable of accomplishing in one year.
There are plenty of reasons why people dread their birthdays. Trying not to make a big deal about it because you feel overwhelmed. Not wanting to be reminded of how little progress you have made. All of these and more are valid reasons for experiencing the birthday scaries, but at the end of the day it is still your day and you can cry if you want. Celebrate yourself in small ways and have a happy-ish birthday!
Do you get the birthday scaries? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below!
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