This article was written by The Zillennial Zine’s spring editorial intern Ky Tanella. Find them on Instagram at @ky.tanella. If you would like to share an article with The Zillennial, send us an email at thezillennialzine@gmail.com.
A little while ago, rage-bait alpha male street interviewers began blowing up on the internet, specifically TikTok. Usually, they would run up to unsuspecting women and ask them misogynistic questions – sometimes about their body count, etc. But one question in particular became a viral sensation: “Would you rather have a gay son or a thot daughter?” Often asked to other “alpha males,” this question would stump them, and cause them to freak out, as if both options were the worst in the world. Then, years later, the “thought daughter” was born as a product of content creators wanting to turn around the misogynistic question and term “thot”. So, what is a thought daughter? And what characteristics do they often project?
My Parents Got Confused and Chose “Thought Daughter”
A “Thought Daughter” is comparable to “eldest daughter syndrome” in my opinion. It often categorizes women who are “over-thinkers,” who often have anxiety and ruminate on their outer perception. They’re often overly kind people-pleasers who feel misunderstood and socially outcast or isolated, especially in their childhood.
Characteristically, they may self-isolate to read, journal (often about their feelings or inconvienices), listen to sad music, and often yearn for their girlhood or thrive on nostalgia. And I’m not trying to be stereotypical at all, I’m literally describing myself as well! Ruminating and feeling so deeply is such a gift, but it can also be all-consuming, and stressful. Journaling is a great way to get out of your own head, and finding a community of people on social media who also feel this way has completely changed my loneliness around the subject. A lot of the media I’m about to list down below can also make you feel less alone, and like you’re understood!
Media
Film/TV
The movies or TV shows that we “thought daughters” find ourselves most relating to are usually stories about unhinged women, normally written/directed by other women under a more feminine gaze. It’s normally dark or gritty, oftentimes hard to watch but can capture female pain/rage and the female experience in a much more raw, authentic way. Here are some examples:
* = might be some content warnings
- Lolita* (1962)
- Dead Poets Society* (1989)
- Girl, Interrupted* (1999)
- Real Women Have Curves (2002)
- Thirteen* (2003)
- Uptown Girls (2003)
- Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
- Mysterious Skin* (2004)
- Little Miss Sunshine (2006)
- Black Swan* (2010)
- Frances Ha (2012)
- The Perks of Being a Wallflower* (2012)
- Fleabag* (2016-2019)
- Lady Bird (2017)
- I, Tonya (2017)
- Booksmart (2019)
- Little Women (2019)
- Bones and All* (2022)
- Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022)
- Priscilla* (2023)
Books
A lot of these books touch on some heavier themes, most of them are written by female-identifying authors or touch on the female experience. I highly recommend adding some of these to your TBR, but definitely check out content and trigger warnings before reading.
- Turtles All the Way Down by John Green – a young woman struggles with OCD and solves a mystery of a missing billionaire
- The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath – while interning at a fashion magazine in NYC, a young woman experiences a mental breakdown admidst all the pressure
- My Year of Rest and Relaxation by Ottessa Moshfegh – a young woman attempts to escape the world and her depression by inducing a year-long hibernation
- Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson – a girl learns to re-gain her voice after a horrific assault
- The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath
- Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen – two sisters navigate love and heartbreak following their Father’s death
- Everything I Know About Love by Dolly Alderton – a memoir about self-discovery in your 20s
- Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin – two childhood best friends recconnect and become successful video game developeres
- Normal People by Salley Rooney – two people navigating an on-again off-again relationship (DEVASTATING BOOK)
- Circe by Madeline Miller – a re-telling of the witch Circe from the Greek Age
- Moxie by Jennifer Mathieu – a high schooler starts a feminist zine
- Persuasion by Jane Austen – a high-class woman is caught in a cycle of love and heartbreak and perusal of a second chance at love
- A Certain Hunger by Chelsea G. Summers – a satire about a food critic who’s also a convicted serial killer and tends to eat her victims
Musical Artists
Most of these artists are the “stereotypical” singers that have thought daughters in a chokehold, particularly Pheobe Bridgers and Fiona Apple. I cannot recommend these artists enough, as their songs touch people in a way that I’ve never seen before! If you really want to break your own heart, I recommend listening to some specific songs! Unfortunately, some of these lyrics will be tattooed on my body forever!
- Fiona Apple – Under the Table, Paper Bag, I Know
- Lana Del Rey – Margaret, Let the Light In
- Lorde – I Am My Mother’s Child, Stoned at the Nail Salon, Green Light
- Mitski – I Don’t Like My Mind, I Bet On Losing Dogs, Your Best American Girl
- Phoebe Bridgers – Scott Street, Waiting Room, Savior Complex, Moon Song, Georgia
- Adrianne Lenker – Not a Lot Just Forever, Anything, Half Return
- Ethel Cain – Hard Times, Strangers, Casings, Michelle Pfieffer
- Laufey – Letter To My 13 Year Old Self, Promise, Second Best
- Mazzy Star – She’s My Baby, Five String Serenade, Blue Light
- Chappell Roan – Coffee, Picture You
- Leith Ross – We’ll Never Have Sex
- Katie Gregson-MacLeod – Complex
These are pieces of media that I’ve seen be the most popular, and ones that I found best represent the trope!
If you relate to any of these things, you may be a “thought daughter.” But, if you’d prefer not to call yourself that, that’s completely valid, as you may get some funny looks! However, I’m both grateful and haunted by my thought daughter-ness, and I’m sure a lot of you feel the same way. Again, please check your trigger/content warnings if you’re going to engage in any of this content!
What is a Thought Daughter to you? What do you think of this media? Let us know in the comments down below, and I hope you enjoyed reading!
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