by Brianna Allison
This article was written by The Zillennial Zine’s fall editorial intern Brianna Allison. Find her on Instagram at @ballison7. If you would like to share an article with The Zillennial, send us an email at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Let me set the scene: You’re dancing with your friends at your favorite bar when you’re approached by the cute kid you’ve had your eye on since you walked through the door. You talk, dance and really hit it off. As you say goodbye to go get into your Uber, you’re hoping they ask for your number. The moment comes and they say, “You got a snap?” *insert eye roll*
Considering you’re in your twenties and not 17 anymore, this can be one of the worst questions ever. And if your first response is to cringe after they ask, you probably know this is a major Snapchat red flag, especially when you’re looking for something a little deeper than random, meaningless snaps.
But you like them and want to keep talking so you give them your Snapchat. You “talk” for a few days, while they send stupid gym selfies, snap you late at night or try to get pictures from you. Then, they just leave you on read and you never hear from them again, aside from the occasional posts on their story. You might have ignored all of the signs at first, but you can’t deny that only using Snapchat to talk with someone you’re interested in is a big red flag.
Lack of maturity
when guys on dating apps are like “do you wanna talk on snap” actually no i don’t we are both in our mid twenties and have phone numbers ?????
— kate (@BadGurlKate) February 19, 2021
When we were younger, Snapchat was the perfect app to send random pictures throughout our day, flirt with our crush and just have fun. But, most of us have realized as we’ve grown up, that Snapchat isn’t as appealing as it used to be. It can be a great way to see what happened last night while you were out, see what your friends are up to, or even see memories from the past couple of years.
But when it comes to dating, the fun and carefree nature of Snapchat can be less than ideal. Although these might have been great qualities when you were looking for in high school and college, now that you’re in your twenties, you might be looking for more substance. If someone is asking for your Snapchat instead of your number, they probably prefer something more carefree and trivial as well. This can mean they’re not ready for a relationship beyond superficial snaps. When the only commitment they’re worried about is streaks, it might be time to find someone more mature who has the same relationship goals as you do.
Not suitable for deep conversations
At this point in life, you don’t want a picture of their lunch with a vague caption, a snap streak or an unsolicited picture of any kind. These are all fine if you‘re interested in something more casual. But if you’re hoping for something serious, Snapchat can be hard to have conversations that actually matter.
When you’re ready for commitment, it’s more important for them to know more about you, your values and what you want in life instead of a selfie with limited text space. This can make Snapchat a difficult platform to actually form a meaningful connection with someone. It’s more for quick glimpses into their day than deep conversations about life.
But if you get to know one another over texts, calls, FaceTimes or even in person, it allows you to actually progress in your relationship. In these moments, you’re also able to tell if you want to continue a relationship with that person or break things off because you’re not compatible. Meanwhile, you can Snapchat someone for weeks and still not know if they’re the right fit for you. If you and your crush are only communicating through Snapchats or even the chat feature, you’re missing out on these crucial moments because your conversations disappear before you’ve even attempted to get to know each other.
Trying to hide you or something else
Another downfall is the fact that Snapchat is an easy app to hide things; chats and pictures can disappear within the blink of an eye, and a whole conversation can be erased like it never existed. Although you can now save chats with someone, the other person can unsave them on their end just as easily. And if you want to screenshot anything on Snapchat to remember it or record it, the other person is notified. This makes the platform perfect to have conversations completely under the radar.
Because of the secrecy of the app, there is a serious lack of accountability. The person that you’re talking to does not need to take responsibility for what they’re sending because it immediately disappears after being opened. The setup of the platform also makes it easy to send the same snap to multiple users. So maybe they’re sending you a snap about how happy they are to have met you, but they also have sent that same snap to five other people. Now you’re all being played, but none of you know it and don’t even have actual proof.
What is even worse is if the person you are interested in is already in a relationship. Snapchat creates the perfect opportunity for them to lie to their partner and continue to talk to you without either of you knowing or having the receipts to prove it. That being said, Snapchat is the perfect platform to avoid any accountability because things can be erased without a trace.
If they wanted to, they would
Some people say they prefer Snapchat over texting because they “want to be able to see you.” Since Snapchat is primarily used to exchange pictures, they might care more about what you look like than what you have to say. So if they wanted to actually see the real you, they would FaceTime or try to take you out. Don’t let their excuses detract from their reluctance to get serious.
If you’re looking for something casual, Snapchat can be a great app for no strings attached fun. But if you’re hoping for commitment and are getting tired of the endless snaps that seem to be going nowhere, this article is a sign. Consider these Snapchat red flags and tell that person at the bar that you’ll just give them your number instead.
If you’ve experienced some of these Snapchat red flags or want to add some more to our list, please comment below!