Marriage, Relationships

A Step-by-Step Guide to Creating Your Personal Wedding Vows


personal wedding vows

This article was written by The Zillennial Zine’s summer editorial intern Jenna Wirtz. Find her on Instagram at @jenna.wirtz. If you would like to share an article with The Zillennial, send us an email at

Every engaged couple deals with the anxiety that comes with writing their own personal wedding vows, if they choose to do so. It is a beloved tradition because it allows you to share your heart with your partner before friends and family. It is an incredibly vulnerable thing, similar to a lot of other things on your wedding day. I want to encourage you to fully let yourself be emotional as you write, rehearse and eventually share your vows. It shows your partner that you care more about them than being dignified, which should always be the case!

Whether you can write a love note in your sleep or if you aren’t entirely sure what a clause is, I am here to help you craft memorable vows, without losing your mind doing it. There is so much pressure on both people to articulate their love and promises to their partner, which can be difficult, even if you are a wordsmith.

I’m getting married in early July, which makes me very well-versed in the topic of vows. I also am a journalism major, which means I am well-versed in writing on deadline, and in an engaging way. I have a guideline that I am going to share with you all so that you can begin the process of writing your vows stress-free, and enjoy the process.

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I have heard from friends that they are just “not good at writing,” which I want to be the first to dispute! Writing is a skill just like anything else and something that can be picked up after some practice. A lot of us (me sometimes included) will write one draft of something, think it is okay, and then submit it as our final draft. Whether this is a report for work or an essay for your English class. With the rise of AI, it is becoming easier to evade writing entirely. However, writing your vows should only be difficult because you don’t know where to start. You do not need to understand the iambic pentameter to write about love or have a degree in English.

Here is a template to follow to start stirring around some ideas. I recommend you open a blank document, or a piece of paper and write each of these categories with some space in between and make a bullet point list of anything/everything that comes to mind. Let yourself have a big brainstorming stage, and that will help curb the writer’s block that might come on later if you are sparse now.

Start with your partner’s name!

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This is less about writing, and more about delivering your vows. With that being said, it is a good reminder that these vows are to your partner, not just a nice speech you are writing. Writing their name at the top of the page with a comma following their name will help you remember this is a love note to your partner!

You are speaking directly to your partner, which means you want to address them. Plus this means now you do not have a blank page staring back at you. You have your first word. Now you can write your first sentence!

Open with a tidbit from the beginning of the relationship. A first date, impression, or memory!

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You can choose whether you want to be lighthearted, deep, or humorous in your opener. When in doubt, you want to make your partner smile. Do they get embarrassed easily or do they like being goofy? Keep these things in mind as you think about how you want to integrate some personality into your vows.

Sit and think about first meeting your partner. What thoughts went through your mind? Do you remember what they were wearing? Did they say something you haven’t forgotten? Make it less about recounting the event itself, but the feelings that surrounded it, and the details that your partner may or may not remember.

I kept a note on my phone of gushy things about my fiance during my freshman year of college. Rereading those things takes me back to that butterflies in my stomach feeling. Go back and see if you documented anything about your partner digitally, or if you journal check out past entries. If you did not document anything in the written word, ask friends and family about what they remember about the beginning of your relationship and what you shared with them about your partner!

Sparking your memory about where your relationship started serves as a solid foundation to build the rest of your vows.

A memory of a time they loved/supported/showed up for you!

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Even though your vows are all words, you want those words to not just be fluffy and complimentary, but grounded in reality. Think of a time when your partner did something kind for you. Maybe they planned a special date, surprised you with tickets to a show, organized a trip for you, etc.

This can be something as small as them bringing you coffee after a hard day, or something bigger like moving across the country for you. Think of a time when your partner sacrificed something for you.

This is also a time when you could share a funny story about your partner that shows their good qualities.


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Here is where the actual promises begin. These can be as deep as you want them, or fun and light-hearted. Either way, make sure they are tailor-fitted to your relationship. Here are a few examples:

  • I promise to always prioritize you before anybody else
  • I promise to always sing along to Taylor Swift in the car
  • I promise to continue to try to impress and woo you every day

Although you are bound to fall short when it comes to fulfilling these promises perfectly, that should not discourage you from proclaiming that this is the standard you are setting for yourself. Think about their love language and what makes them feel loved, and promise to do those things!

What you are looking forward to in the future with them

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Whether you have already moved in together, or if you have only been together for a year, there are inevitably going to be things that change after you get married.

For example, I am moving in with my fiancé after we get married, and I am excited to be able to wake up beside him every day. Even if you already live with your partner, you could say that you are excited to wake up every day as their wife! Spin it to fit your situation.

Make a list of the things that will change after you are married. Think back to the conversations you had with your fiancé about what kind of future you want to build together and articulate those hopes and dreams to them to conclude your vows.

The last piece of advice, give yourself grace when your first, second, or third draft is not where you want it to be at. Keep writing, and give yourself a day or two then come back to it. You will get there eventually, I promise!

It is up to you how much you want to follow this outline, whether each section is only a few sentences, or you take a minute or so with each. It is entirely up to you, but I hope that this gave you some confidence and structure for you to write your personal wedding vows for your partner!

How are you going to write personal wedding vows? What tips would you give? Let us know in the comments below!

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