This article was written by The Zillennial Zine’s senior fall editorial intern Dalal Daher. Find her on Instagram at @dalalllldaher. If you would like to share an article with The Zillennial, send us an email at thezillennialzine@gmail.com.
One of the common struggles of people of any age is finding love. Issues such as the often-debated ‘male loneliness epidemic’ and the general decline of sex rates among young people are just some of the factors putting extra pressure on dating and finding your ideal romantic partner. Yet one unconventional solution that’s regained popularity in the past year is a lavender marriage. What are lavender marriages, and why are they resurging?
What is a Lavender Marriage?
Traditionally, lavender marriages are unions between opposite-sex partners where one or both partners are gay. These platonic life partnerships were popular amongst Old Hollywood stars as a means for them to pursue their romantic interests without the homophobia and scrutiny of their generation. Yet now, lavender marriages have become desirable not solely as a means to shield oneself from society, but a relationship where both parties care for each other platonically, but share financial, life, and other burdens as life partners.
Bolstered by a tense political climate in an overall more progressive society, lavender marriages have become an option for those dissatisfied with dating but seeking companionship. TikTok users posting their “lavender marriage applications” have skyrocketed in the second half of this year under the premise that it’s a healthy partnership with a close platonic friend and a chance to thrive in an expensive economy that favors multiple-income households.
Considering not everyone values romance or sexual intimacy, lavender marriages’ popularity is another reminder that the traditional view of romance as marriage between lovers is not everyone’s endgame. The beauty of lavender marriages being discussed somewhat openly on social media is that it represents them shifting from solely being partnerships of necessity to, hopefully at some point, fully socially accepted options for companionship. Their continued popularity and openness on social media reflects the fact that restrictive ideas of monogamous romance are not a one-size-fits-all source of happiness.
Lavender Marriages and the U.S. Election
After the polarizing results of the U.S. presidential election, TikTok activity around lavender marriages has increased even more. With president-elect Trump having been linked to regressive, conservative, and sexist political agenda Project 2025—which aims to repeal federal regulation protecting against discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation and gender, attacking the LGBTQ+ community- lavender marriages have taken on a tone of urgency. Lavender marriages have also been referenced in conjunction with the South Korean feminist movement 4B, where heterosexual women renounce sex with men, dating, marriage, and childbirth, which has caught fire amongst U.S. women after Trump’s re-election. With the viral 4B movement closing the avenue for heterosexual romantic partnership amongst women that participate, nontraditional forms of companionships like lavender marriages gain more consideration in the mainstream. While jumping into a lavender marriage out of pure loneliness is definitely not a solution for anyone seeking companionship, they are definitely both a protective and fulfilling avenue of support and connection for those suited for it.
Lavender marriages have had a tumultuous history in Western society, originating as secret partnerships to help one or more parties actually live their romantic life in repressive times, to unions of choice in a society that is presumably more accepting but harder to thrive in. It’s sad that lavender marriages’ potential for platonic companionship in times of dating disillusionment and aggressive financial inflation is overshadowed by their perceived necessity in times where women and the LGBTQ+ community are faced with the possibility of losing even more social freedoms.
Lavender marriages have undergone a rebrand from a protective necessity for LGBTQ+ people to a platonic partnership of choice in a loneliness outbreak. Our politics and society in the U.S. are fractured, and times are bleak, but everyone deserves a chance to find a partner, romantic or otherwise. Hopefully lavender marriages, amongst other ‘nontraditional’ forms of connection, finally get the chance of a rebirth as not a relationship in the shadows but one of true platonic companionship.
So, what is a lavender marriage? What do you think about this returning trend?
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