This article was written by The Zillennial Zine’s summer editorial intern Jordyn Centerwall. Find her on Instagram at @jordyncenterwall. If you would like to share an article with The Zillennial, send us an email at thezillennialzine@gmail.com.
How much should you tell your partner? How much is too much? The latest TikTok trend explores this line among couples, friends, and even family members. The new “we listen we don’t judge” trend has people doing just that; listening and then trying not to judge. Some are successful. Others are not. Nevertheless, there is something wildly entertaining about watching these confession videos. I can see how many might see this act of drawing the curtain back on strangers’ relationships as comforting or reassuring. Others laud the trend as encouraging healthy communication between partners. Is it truly healthy or even therapeutic though? I think it depends on the people and content.
Couples Creators
The majority of the videos come from couples creators on TikTok. These couple profiles are dedicated to dating-related content and centered around a relationship. Relatable videos, cutesy videos that inspire envy among single viewers, and silly challenges are all common content on these pages. It comes as no surprise that the majority of the “we listen we don’t judge” trend has sprung from this subset of creators.
These kinds of creators aren’t new on the scene. It kind of boggles my mind that there’s an entire industry based around parasocial relationships with a dating unit. Couples creators have been around long before the rise of TikTok on YouTube, Instagram, etc. Some niche down to mostly fashion content, while others focus on tugging on universal heartstrings. It isn’t just couples taking part though. Groups of friends are getting in on the trend, and even families. One video I saw featured sisters doing the trend. How does one “do” it though?
The Trend
To participate in this trend, creators situate themselves in front of a camera and start off by saying “We listen and we don’t judge.” From there the participants take turns confessing things that they’ve done that the other person doesn’t know. Before each confession, they must repeat those same words. A lot of the confessions are ways they’ve manipulated or underhanded the other person or just secrets they’ve kept. For example, in @thequistfamily’s video, the girl confessed that early on in their relationship when her now husband had helped her move, she had asked all of the guys she was dating at the time to come help.
The videos range from wholesome to uncomfortable to feeling staged. As I’ve stumbled upon them time and time again I’ve caught myself both smiling and cringing at some of the confessions that have been publicized. The responses in the comments are also varied. Most viewers find the trend hilarious, but some clapped back at certain secrets that are revealed. This is especially true when the boyfriends or husbands confess the ways they avoid having to do household tasks.
The Avoidant Husband
One of the biggest we listen we don’t judge videos right now is @daveandjanie’s take on the trend. Their first video has accumulated over 36 million views and over 2 million likes. The couple takes on a more hesitant tone compared to most of the other videos. Janie confesses to lying about headaches and making up different appointments when she’s really going to get Botox. Dave’s confessions got the internet riled up though. The entire video it comes off like he doesn’t want to be there participating. He confessed several times to hiding in various parts of the house to avoid helping with the kids and housework.
The comment section skewers Dave and defends Janie. “We listen and we get divorced” and “may this type of marriage never find me” are among some of the top comments, each of which has gotten thousands of likes. But is their marriage truly an unhappy one? It’s hard to tell with how curated the couple’s content is. The pair declare their content as “relatable married life,” and most of their videos feature the couple making fun of or riffing off each other. After the first one blew up, they came back and did a part two which was much less heated.
Wholesome
My favorite videos from this challenge are the ones that lean more toward wholesome. My two current favorites are the videos made by @fullmhouse and @summerrtaylor. @Fullmhouse captioned the video “#couplestherapy” and cracked up throughout each others’ confessions about silent and deadly farts and hiding the last treat so they could have it themselves. @Summerrtaylor’s video features a younger couple. Theirs is especially sweet because it hits on young love and the silly stuff you do when you’re still trying to figure out dating.
Prank Videos
Some people have even turned the trend into a prank. They do this by coming up with fake things for the other person in the video to react to. Sometimes both people are in on the prank, other times it’s only one. These videos tend to rub me wrong. If I were to confess something and then find out that the other person had been faking to try to generate a reaction from me it wouldn’t inspire trust going forward.
Is The Trend Healthy?
The trend seems to aim to create a safe space for confessions, but is this kind of disclosure truly healthy? In some cases, I think it can be. Some creators who have participated in this trend have insinuated that making this video prompted further conversation after the content was created. Others claimed that it felt like therapy. Could the we listen we don’t judge trend then be a way of instigating further conversations and getting closer with a partner or friend? Maybe.
It would be a much healthier practice if it weren’t a trend. The very act of sitting down and coming up with the confessions feels very performative to me. Additionally, a lot of the couples feel like they’re repeatedly trying to one-up each other. Not every video. There are plenty like @haleyydriscoll’s video that have a level of fun and kindness to them. Still, I find myself leaning toward skepticism. Even if the practice did bring couples, friends, or family closer together, it was still done for likes in the first place.
What do you think of this trend? Let us know in the comments!
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