This article was written by The Zillennial Zine’s spring editorial intern Asa Conroy. Find them on Instagram at @asakayconroy. If you would like to share an article with The Zillennial, send us an email at thezillennialzine@gmail.com.
Gift-giving anxiety is super common during the holidays. Many people worry about the right thing to get their loved ones and that’s not even factoring in any sort of budget. You always wonder if you’re getting the wrong thing, getting something that makes you or them look bad, or if you’re getting something they already have. However, that’s not even getting to the questions and concerns further down the holiday dread rabbit hole of despair. Luckily, I have worked for years to come up with ways to combat gift-giving anxiety and here’s what I’ve come up with!
Recognize Your Feelings are Normal
Like I said, everyone feels this one way or another. It doesn’t even matter the holiday, everyone gets worried. Gifts are more than just something you get for someone else. They are a symbolic gesture of your relationship that can change depending on who you’re giving it to. Like if you’ve had a rough year with your sister, the perfect gift could be the way to rectifying that. You could also get something loving and thoughtful for your significant other to show how much you appreciate your relationship. Or if you don’t like someone you could also purposefully get them a terrible gift that through the pressure of an audience (if you’re opening gifts around others) cannot get mad at you for. If you don’t think the last one happens outside of movies, honestly, I’m jealous.
All these things make gift-giving feel like a battlefield for the easily embarrassed or self-conscious. You constantly ask yourself over and over again if you’re doing the right thing. Am I making the right impression? What if they misinterpret my gift? Will I look thoughtful or thoughtless? Am I fitting into the right budget with the group? What if I spend less and look cheap? What if I spend more and look gaudy? Do they already have this? What if they instantly started hating the exact thing, I brought them the second I put this in my cart and I have no way of verifying if that’s even true until they yell at me for buying such a horrible gift when they open it? There are a lot of feelings but take a breath and stop before you start asking questions like the last one.
Ask for a Wish List/Ideas
Maybe an unpopular option for some believing that takes all the anticipation out of it or even that wish lists are too childish. But wish lists worked out well for a reason when we were kids because we only put on stuff that we really wanted. It is also the easiest step into ensuring you get what you want and that you can do the same for others. This helps reduce people’s anxieties immensely because sometimes people worry without even realizing it. If someone is asking for a few ideas, they probably want to get you something you’d enjoy. You could do the same for others.
Not to mention, for those who are aware that Santa doesn’t exist, you could live by the honor code when it comes to checking your list. Make the list anywhere you’d like, send it out, and never look again. Your friends, family, and significant others should do the same. That way, you and your recipients won’t know who gets what and is still surprised when they open the gift. Additionally, everyone could place extra gifts, so they have ideas for next time and there’s a little more variation. Basically, if you’re exchanging gifts with five people, put seven ideas on your list and you won’t know which of the five out of the seven you’ll get. It’s a surefire way to make each other happy.
Set a Budget
Probably the true least popular option. No one likes to discuss money, in fact people say it’s “gauche” to talk finances around the holidays. I would suggest either doing this one privately or only discuss this option with people you know you can talk about this with. Alternatively, you could try to casually get an idea of a budget by talking to others without directly mentioning money. For example, ask a few people in your family what ideas they have for getting other people and decide a budget from there if successful. This alleviates the fears around spending. You’ll know how much you’re spending, and you can’t change how much other people spend. Someone else may give a gift that costs way more than yours, but that’s their budget. Not yours.
If you can agree upon a budget with your recipients, you’re in league with everyone else. Again, you’ll know how much you’re spending, and you can’t change if someone goes out of the budget without a good reason. Like it’s understandable if a sale ended or the price changed, but buying something way over budget just because they felt like it. I know it’s sometimes still hard because you wish you could spend more, but at least everyone agreed. You’ll just find ways to express your relationship within a certain amount.
Quality Over Quantity
Obviously, building off the last one, this doesn’t have to mean buying a diamond necklace over a pack of stickers. This is about worrying how much you give to other people. Some gift-givers, when they can, buy people a whole bunch of gifts. That’s great for them, but that doesn’t mean everyone has to buy five semi-meaningful gifts instead of one really thoughtful gift. If you are concerned that someone might get another person more gifts than you, remember that you tried to pick out something you thought they would really wanted to give them. They may appreciate your gift more than any other.
But how do you achieve this without a huge budget? Well, there’s other ways to give a meaningful gift than by spending. If you know that someone wants a certain gift, try getting that gift or as close to it as you can. This effort is so much more meaningful than a bunch of randomly guessed things they may never like or even use. The quality of your care is worth more than the quantity of your receipt.
Listen and Learn
The simplest advice that works wonders with the previous point. Most of the time people will mention things they would like or want as a gift. Sometimes without even realizing it or putting it in the form of a wish list. It may be something casual like “Oh I wish I had [blank]”, “My [blank] just broke, I need a new one,” or even “[blank] is really nice.” Stuff like that. Listening can not only reveal things they really like, but also things they need. Although I would warn against anything that would constitute an emergency repair, they might fix that on their own.
I know we’re counting down the clock so it may be too late to listen, but you could also try to remember. I doubt you’ve been completely tuning out your loved ones for the past 11 months, so try and think back to anything that could possibly be a gift. Remember their favorite color, style, hobby, or even a tv show. Say your friend likes Stardew Valley, you could get them the guidebook, the cookbook, or a Junimo plush. They may not be the most useful things ever, but you thought about something they’d like.
Take Your Time
Okay, not the best advice to give when we’re getting down to the wire, but there are plenty of ways you can take your time. If you feel like you’ve been walking around stores or scrolling for hours with absolutely nothing, it’s time to take a break. Whether it’s a full day just take a break from actively doing it. Maybe try doing some of the steps above or simply put it to the back of your mind for a bit. You may find that your best ideas come when you’re not looking for them.
Play a game, watch a movie, read a book, buy someone else a gift, or just hang out with your friend. In those moments you’ll remember the games they like, the books they wanted to read, or the movie they’ve been dying to see. Maybe when you’re buying your mom something that’s hopefully not a stereotypical robe, you’ll find the perfect thing for your friend. Or while you’re with them they’ll casually mention the shirt they’ve been dying to have but can’t get around to buying just yet. You’ll find it, just take a minute and pay for one-day shipping (if needed).
Embrace That It’s the Thought That Counts
It’s age-old advice for a reason, but sometimes we need a reminder to embrace the meaning of it. We all remember it, but remembering isn’t feeling it. You can tell yourself it’s the thought that counts but immediately counter with, “what if they don’t care about my thoughts?” It’s time for you to care about your thoughts. Having gift-giving anxiety proves that you care about the recipient. Isn’t that nice in and of itself? You care so much about someone that you’re putting so much stock into it. You’ll give great gifts if you just follow these tips. I’m sure you’ll feel silly for worrying about it as soon as the new year hits.
Do you have any tips for managing gift-giving anxiety? Let us know in the comment section below!
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