Out of all of the photos that are saved in my Google Drive, the majority of them consists of me and people that I used to be friends with before college. Some of these people were considered a “sister” or “brother” to me at one point…then life happened. It seems unreal when the person you thought would be in your life forever all of a sudden becomes a distant memory.

As you get older and the two of you go on different paths, communication may become shorter. They may only congratulate your job promotion under a LinkedIn post rather than reaching out directly. Seeing one another seems to be a pain, especially if one is constantly backing out. These are the things that I have experienced since life after high school. Honestly, it was expected in a way.

They’re not always obvious

Friendship breakups are often seen as explosive, like a form of betrayal or arguments. But sometimes, the hardest friendship breakups don’t look like regular breakups at all — it shows up in silence. One of the unspoken griefs of adulthood is watching the people who shaped you become the people you have to reintroduce yourself to. Sure, there are some cases where childhood friends will meet you again and it’ll seem like things haven’t changed, but that’s the case for everyone else.

Your best friend wasn’t just someone you spent time with — they knew your parents, your favorite snacks and childhood crushes. They witnessed your awkward phases, celebrated your victories and knew every version of you. There was comfort in believing those people would always stand by your side and never leave you.

Then adulthood arrived.

One friend moved across the country. Another got married. Someone started graduate school. Someone is expecting a baby. One is running their own business and choosing to stay off of social media. Everyone is living different lives, but there’s no more connection.

That’s the thing about adulthood: it doesn’t prepare us for friendship loss. We’re taught to cope with romantic heartbreak thanks to the mass media’s portrayal of this subject matter, but not so much with losing a friend. I remember when I experienced a drift from a close friend of mine years ago, it took me a long time to come around the fact that life goes on — with or without that person.

It’s not the end of your story

No, not all friendships last forever — but there are some who have managed to prove that point. The real truth is that there’s nothing wrong with either you or the former friend. As we experience life, we meet new people and acknowledge our needs and wants. For those in their 20s, we let go of our older selves to be able to live a renowned version of ourselves. 

Sometimes, I still think about the “what ifs” and “whys”. But, that part of my life was only a chapter, not the whole novel. I don’t always feel sad, if anything I feel more grateful. Those people existed in my life long enough to learn about establishing a genuine connection. 

Maybe that’s why friendship breakups exist. Some are meant to remind you of who you need to be, while others are meant to remind you of who you were. 

Just know that a former friend was only a role in the script that you’re still writing — just no longer together.