This article was written by The Zillennial Zine’s summer editorial intern Ana Sofia Corral Morales. Find her on Instagram at @sofi.photographsss. If you would like to share an article with The Zillennial, send us an email at thezillennialzine@gmail.com.
Morning, afternoon, and evening. Rock, paper, and scissors. The colors in a traffic light. Everyday regular stuff that comes in 3. Unfortunately, that’s not the case in friendship groups. People usually tell me that there are exceptions, but those are the same people excluding the third person in their party. From that last statement I can tell that I’ve personally suffered from this, I mean, hasn’t everyone? Let me tell you about several experiences that tell there’s a duo in every trio.
Let’s Blame Elementary School
Do you remember in elementary and middle school how serious the term ‘best friend’ was? Like, you could only have 1 best friend and there was no way of sharing them. I thought I had that ‘best friend’ but turns out I was the third friend. Part of that probably was because I switched schools and cities every 2 years so it was hard maintaining a strong friendship with someone. Anyways, there was a moment in sixth grade when our friendship group was conformed by 6 people. At some point that six person group subconsciously divided into 2 parties of 3. What happened? I moved cities again and my 2 friends started getting closer.
What about middle school?
I met my best friends. Every year that pases in our friendship I think to myself: wow we really are the exception, trios actually work. And I used to have that belief until recently when I noticed my 2 best friends would start hanging out more. How did I notice? I wasn’t keeping up with the gossip like I used to and they would say, “Omg, I hadn’t told you”. Or when 1 of my friends would offer the other one a ride and not me. It’s not a surprise for me since I have slightly important differences with my 2 friends, like them living closer or them attending the same college (different majors tho). We hung out yesterday and I found they went to a graduation party without me. Like, I’m not mad since that day was impossible for me to go, but I realized they’re each other’s priorities. They didn’t even invite me, or asked if I was free that day. To sum up, they are becoming the duo in the trio.
Conflict Resolution
Conflicts are inevitable in any friendship, yet the idea of one in a trio friendship terrorises me. When a disagreement arises between 2 members, the third friend finds themselves in the middle, forced to act as a peacemaker or choose sides. In my experience, I was 1 of the 2 people in the disagreement and the person I had the disagreement with actually involved the third person. Like she reached out to her first to secure her support (a bit selfish if you ask me). When talking to the third friend I realized how stressed she was given the situation and how she doesn’t want to choose a side and talk negatively about the other. Now, if the conflict is not resolved, it can lead to long-term rifts and tension which only weaken the group.
Ok But What Does Work?
Any even number group can work, just make sure to not end up in a very big group. High school taught us how that goes. In an even-number group there is usually an even distribution of attention and involvement compared to groups with an odd number. This balance helps ensure that every member feels appreciated and part of the group reducing the chances of anyone feeling excluded or ignored. For example in a group of four people interactions can naturally pair off leading to conversations and stronger connections forming among all members. In a conflict context, the even-numbered group can easily divide into sides or pairs, making sure each one has their support system.
I feel like multiple people on the internet will go and say, “my friend group is the exception!”. These cases only show us that the success of a trio will depend on the following. The willingness of all the members to address their challenges openly and attempt to create a well balanced relationship. Tell me in the comments if you’ve experienced the duo in a trio and how old were you!
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