This article was written by The Zillennial Zine’s senior fall editorial intern Arianna Nahim. Find her on Instagram at @ariannanahim. If you would like to share an article with The Zillennial, send us an email at thezillennialzine@gmail.com.
As the seasons shift, the clocks turn back, a shiver amid early darkness washes over us. For singles, it may seem colder and darker. Currently, social media has dubbed this season of the year as “cuffing season.” It means it’s time to settle down in some matching pajamas and enjoy nights in. Right now, many singles may be inclined to rush into a relationship with the next person that passes them. Or they may be more inclined to take a more poetic route and become prone to staring out the window wistfully yearning for what’s not there. Though very different coping mechanisms, both have the same root cause: a fear of loneliness. Here is the thing though, being on your own isn’t a bad thing, especially as a young person. So instead of running to the nearest Tinder match or nearest ledge, here’s some words of wisdom to encourage you to take a step back from the dating scene and realizations that can help you make it easier.
Being Comfortable With The Unknown
I believe this is something a lot of people my age struggle with. We are so oversaturated with the knowledge of each other’s lives that we are susceptible to believing we are less accomplished than our peers. But the truth is we are all on our own journey, and there is no one path we should all follow. As Oscar Wilde said, someone who knows exactly what they will do with their life is not living. Where is the room for life to happen if the individual is set on a specific road and outcome? Through a safety net like a romantic relationship, individuals may find comfort in the consistency and recognition they acquire from these relationships. But if we rely on something like this then we leave ourselves susceptible to feeling inadequate. This leaves us with no room for feeling disappointment when we put so much pressure on something like romance. When it doesn’t pan out, many want to throw their hands up and blame their youth, skill, or something else. However, life is not linear, and attempting to mold it into one is a dead end that will only lead to a jaded persona over time. Once you’ve got yourself stuck into this pattern of jadedness it becomes hard to go into something like dating with an optimistic and open mind.
How Being Uncomfortable Can Be Your Best Tool
A few months ago, as I doom-scrolled on TikTok, I came across a video of Timothee Chalamet reciting laws from a self-help book. “You can be the master of your fate, you can be the captain of your soul, but you have to realize life is coming from you and not at you, and that takes time.” And he’s right. Learning to be your most authentic self takes time and dedication, once you step into your true self something that can be as trivial as dating affects you a lot less. We tend to stay in things like romantic relationships because of the comfort but if you’re not scared to take a risk then you’re not living life. Embodying the role of the captain of your soul is more than just pushing through hard emotions or pushing an ideology onto yourself that inflates your ego. Being a captain does not mean you can do no wrong and are perfect. Of course, you should have confidence in yourself, but not the kind of confidence in yourself that allows you to be compliant in mediocracy because it is comfortable. Becoming the captain of your soul means being able to push yourself towards being uncomfortable. It is when we are uncomfortable where the most growth occurs. Allowing yourself to be uncomfortable is the greatest gift you can give yourself. It shows you that you care about yourself enough to strengthen yourself. And if you are genuinely interested in entering a committed relationship, wouldn’t you want to go in as a strong person?
There Is More To Life Than Dating One Partner
We cannot wait for someone to come and save us. The only person that is coming to save you is yourself! “You can be the master of your fate, you can be the captain of your soul, but you have to realize life is coming from you not at you.” That is why you enjoy the sun, that is why you build healthy habits. Because life is not coming at you it is coming from you. Instead of mindlessly scrolling through dating profiles, find a hobby that makes you feel good. Find friends who when you leave a hang out you feel fulfilled.
It’s impossible, and even a bit unhealthy, to constantly be surrounded by people or completely dwell in the absence of what you want. So, give yourself that care and comfort you’re looking for in others. Enter the winter season with the goal of bettering yourself, and enter spring a brand new person.
Would you take a break from dating? If so, here’s how to take a break from dating! Let us know what you think in the comments!
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