This article was written by The Zillennial Zine’s senior fall editorial intern Dalal Daher. Find her on Instagram at @dalalllldaher. If you would like to share an article with The Zillennial, send us an email at thezillennialzine@gmail.com.
From relationships to babies, social media largely runs on public displays of life. We love to consume content of proposals, weddings, babies, anything about human connection- and one such example is gender reveals. Gender reveals routinely rack up hundreds of thousands or even millions of views on social media, from the extravagant to even the pared-down, intimate ones. These personal affairs, commodified for public consumption, have drawn equal parts criticism and obsession from the Internet for their intimate look into a family’s pregnancy journey.
Nowadays, it almost seems like they’re inescapable. From the often repeated idea of a couple plunging champagne glasses into a white cake to reveal if the interior is pink or blue, to more creative themed parties, gender reveals are a social media phenomenon of their own. Yet they sometimes open an uncomfortable window into a family’s private life, showing minute-long snippets of emotions from elation to disappointment that then leads to social media judgment and commentary. Do gender reveals place an awkward spotlight on a complicated emotional milestone? Are social media criticisms of over-the-top reveals justified?
Gender reveals started when writer Jenna Karvunidis blogged about having cut into a cake with pink icing to uncover her baby’s gender back in 2008. Now, they’ve entered the fabric of a social media couple’s expected timeline. In an era where our relationships become documented for all to see on social media, posting your relationship and family now includes the milestone of a post announcing a baby and later their gender.
Gender reveals have grown from an intimate affair to extravagant celebrations in their own right, yet can entail a social media milestone at great financial cost. From a reveal that sparked a California wildfire, to one involving a hippo biting into watermelon (the interior of which would reveal the gender), to tons of fireworks and smoke, gender reveals can cost thousands. A UK study found that the average cost of a gender reveal vastly outpaced baby showers and bachelor/bachelorette parties at 2,573 pounds ($3,323).
While no one is demanding you throw a gender reveal party, yet alone an extravagant one, it’s interesting that we’ve begun marking every life and relationship with a markedly public celebration. As parents-to-be, if you add up the price of a social-media ready wedding (if you are married), alongside a baby shower, and then a gender reveal, it’s shocking how much we’ve normalized financially burdensome public displays of milestones. Again, while this isn’t mandatory (no one is forcing you to throw a lavish gender reveal!) or a bad thing in itself, if you have the means, it is a true reflection of how society is shifting to truly normalize even the most intimate, life-changing moments for public consumption or announcement.
Gender reveals have also taken a more serious tone as markers of relationship red (or green) flags. From partners reacting with anger and disappointment to the gender of their baby, to celebrating with friends or family before even hugging the mother of their child, gender reveals on social media are often filled with commenters noting the undesirable behavior of parents-to-be. Some people are definitely revealing terrible true colors in gender reveals, such as violent partners to those who don’t support their pregnant soon-to-be girlfriends, fiancees, or wives. Some couples show their amazing partnership and excitement with elation and celebration.
But to me, the awkwardness of social media gender reveals doesn’t come from seeing these intense emotions, good or bad. It comes from the fact that we, as internet strangers, can see a couple we don’t know going through a more nuanced emotion: gender disappointment. For every dramatic, tear-jerking gender reveal, there are plenty on TikTok and Instagram showing couples who go through worry, disappointment, surprise, any range of emotion that makes a reveal go from a cute, viral moment to a complicated one.
The popularity of gender reveals as social media clips thrive on black-and-white, one-minute displays of a couple’s emotions and affection. Couples who cry from joy are wholesome green flags that make us smile, those who have visceral anger become warnings and worry-provoking clips. But the gray zone of gender disappointment is what conflicts with viral gender reveals, despite how common it is.
It becomes really awkward to witness couples you don’t know go through a complex emotion regarding their baby, because it transforms this type of content from a quick feel-good dopamine hit to a reality check. We see a couple contending with the fact that maybe they wanted a daughter in a family of all boys, or maybe they’re worried about raising a son or daughter in a current society, or any other type of reason. While uncomfortable, not as popular, and definitely awkward to watch, the nuances of emotions in gender reveals that go unexpectedly are arguably one of the most realistic parts of this type of content.
Gender reveals are a reflection of our snap-judgemental, dopamine-starved internet culture. They’re another previously intimate life milestone to be normalized as a publicly extravagant display, and now they’re a window into a family’s intimate emotions. While it’s beautiful to be able to see these pure expressions of excitement and joy, it’s important to remember that life is more nuanced than that—and even complicated emotions should be acknowledged on social media.
Leave a Reply