This article was written by The Zillennial Zine’s spring editorial intern Lindsay Daneen. Find her on Instagram at @_lindsay_daneen. If you would like to share an article with The Zillennial, send us an email at thezillennialzine@gmail.com.
Contrary to what you believe or admit we all have a little green-eyed monster inside of us. It’s not the best part of humanity but it is there, nonetheless. Have you ever had a less-than-positive feeling when hearing about someone else’s good news? Have you ever felt like you wanted or deserved something that someone else had even for a quick second? You don’t have to admit it out loud but I’m sure you have. Well, I’m here to tell you it’s okay and it’s totally natural. In fact, there’s a difference between jealousy and envy. They are rooted in different emotions and appear for various reasons. So don’t be so hard on yourself. You may just be human after all.
Is Envy The Same As Jealousy?
I’m sure you’ve heard of envy and jealousy being used interchangeably. And honestly, they can and have been. But is envy the same as jealousy? There is a slight difference between the two. Envy, by definition, is wanting something that you don’t have while jealousy stems from a fear of losing something that you already have. It’s the difference between envying someone’s new car and being jealous that your significant other is paying attention to someone else. You may be envious of your co-worker’s promotion or jealous because your mentor has a new shining mentee. Simple enough, right?
Where Do They Stem From?
Jealousy and envy stem from some level of insecurity, another natural feeling you will experience at some point in your life. When it comes to jealousy the insecurity may be rooted in a lack of confidence in yourself or a lack of confidence in someone else. For instance, if you have had a cheating spouse, you may feel insecure when they pay attention to someone else because of the lack of trust they have created within the relationship. And if you’ve ever experienced self-doubt, you may subconsciously be bringing this burden on yourself.
The insecurity rooted in the feeling of envy is different though. As mentioned before, this is when you want something that you don’t or can’t have. You may be going through a rough time financially or having bad luck in love. You might even be packing on some unwanted weight. These are all perfectly normal life experiences. So you may very well envy your friend or colleague who got a big pay raise, recently met the love of their life, or lost 10 pounds. Believe me, I get it. But I also believe that when you are confident in yourself, your abilities, your journey, etc. you don’t experience this feeling, or at least not for too long.
Which Feeling Is Natural?
Do you want the truth? Both jealousy and envy are natural feelings, jealousy perhaps being the most normal one. I hate to break it to you, but life is hard. It’s full of challenges and humbling experiences that will have you questioning things about yourself that you never thought you would. It’s a part of growth. And throughout those moments, other people will be experiencing some of the best moments of their lives. That can be difficult to handle. So, yes it’s natural to find yourself wanting to be in someone else’s shoes, even if it’s just for a second.
How To Deal With Envy
Since you are an imperfect human who will experience this feeling, remember you’re not a bad person. But how you deal with this emotion makes all the difference. Let’s acknowledge that our insecurities are not anyone else’s problem. Your unsuspecting friend is not the reason you are feeling unsure of yourself. So don’t make it their problem. My best advice is honesty. You need to be honest with yourself. And if you want to take it a step forward, be honest with that person too. I’m not saying you need to spill your guts to your colleague or explain every detail of what is going on with your friend. But you can simply say that you’re not in the best space to be supportive right now and reassure them that it has nothing to do with them. Transparency goes a long way, especially with the people who love you.
How To Deal With Jealousy
Being in fear of losing something you already have is a terrible feeling. But much like with envy, don’t make it the other person’s problem. Get in touch with the true cause. Why do you feel you might lose this thing or this person? Have you done something wrong or different? Has this person said you might lose them? Have you changed in their eyes? Figure out why you feel threatened and take the time to assess a healthy way to deal with it whether it be a conversation, therapy, some time alone, or whatever helps you cope. Again, this is a natural feeling but don’t lose the person or people you love because of a temporary feeling that may not be rooted in logic in the first place. You may even realize that the thing you are jealous of isn’t even worth the heartache.
What Now?
Is envy the same as jealousy? Although they are similar it’s time for me to reveal that this isn’t about figuring out which is which. My goal is to get you to understand yourself more. Stop beating yourself up for not being thrilled about the wonderful things going on in the lives of others while you feel stuck in an endless cycle of confusion and stress. I’ll repeat it. YOU ARE HUMAN. And that comes with complicated feelings. And what do we do with complicated feelings? We acknowledge them and deal with them accordingly. That could mean seeking therapy, meditating, having hard conversations, or finding healthy ways to distract or remove yourself from the situation. But I guarantee you that this too shall pass.
Try to keep things in perspective also. To someone else, you’re living the dream and they are trying to cope with that. We are all dealing with a lot and envy and jealousy take up a lot of energy while you reap no reward from it. Remember to be kind to yourself, don’t compare your journey to anyone else’s, and don’t ruin good relationships. Just think of that little green-eyed monster as a part of life while you continue to live yours unapologetically and full of love. You’ll be just fine. I promise.
Have you experienced jealousy or envy before? How did you deal with it?
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