This article was written by The Zillennial Zine’s spring editorial intern Lindsay Daneen. Find her on Instagram at @_lindsay_daneen. If you would like to share an article with The Zillennial, send us an email at thezillennialzine@gmail.com.
Dedication. Devotion. Loyalty. Commitment. These are typically seen as positive words. They’re qualities that any employer, lover, family member, or friend would prefer. It’s a quality that proves that you are in it for the long haul. You’re there through thick and thin. I don’t know about you but as I’ve gotten older and watched people more, I’m realizing these are terrible qualities! I’m not sure these are the compliments we once thought they were. These adjectives come with expectations that sometimes prove to be counter-productive to our growth. They’re words that we ironically use against ourselves. It tricks us into forcing things that aren’t meant for us. It’s weird how that happens, right? But we’re not standing for it any longer. So, I think what we all need to do is have a deep discussion about how to know if something is meant for you.
Dedication in the Workplace
Okay, I may have gone too far when I said being loyal and dedicated is a terrible quality. It’s really an admirable quality. But you must use it wisely. Not everyone and everything is deserving. Let’s start with your job. We’re all adults here and that means we must work. Believe me, I get it. But work is not the place to dedicate your soul. Work serves you financially but if it does not serve you spiritually or doesn’t suit you personally, you should responsibly and respectfully leave. In this cold world, you don’t get rewarded for dedication. You’re not guaranteed a promotion and honestly, you’re not even guaranteed consistent employment. (You should google “at-will employment.”) Companies are required to keep themselves running, not you. I guarantee that the dedication you’re showing them is not mutual. So why would you break your back for it?
We were all taught that hard work is noticed and rewarded. Whether directly or indirectly you will reap the benefits of your labor so you should always put your best foot forward. Wrong! You should make sure you don’t burn bridges unless necessary and at least meet the expectations of the job description. But aside from that we are not required to stay in places that don’t serve us. If the job doesn’t at least make you remotely happy, doesn’t respect you, or doesn’t fit into your future aspirations, it’s not serving you. Let it go! Trust me, they’ll hire a replacement before you can even pack up your belongings.
Devotion to Family
Family is a tough concept when it comes to letting go. Blood is thicker than water is a popular saying. Nothing is more important than family is common too. Don’t let these age-old mantras trick you into keeping toxic family members in your life. Family is supposed to love you unconditionally. They’re not supposed to judge you, make you feel small, or put you in danger. If there’s a family member that does that, let them go. They aren’t meant to be in your beautiful presence. You should not get a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach. You shouldn’t dread gatherings. And if you find yourself feeling unsupported or like they can’t be happy with your achievements and accolades, that’s how you know it’s not right. That’s when it’s time to quickly and quietly exit stage left.
Loyalty to Friends
A loyal friend is so valuable. A friend who accepts you for you and sees your wins as their wins is top-tier. A friend who means you well and prioritizes you is key. But that so-called friend who always spews negativity is a no-no. That jealous person disguised as a friend who doesn’t show up for you, tells your secrets, and forgets your birthday every year, must go immediately. If you feel you’re not receiving the level of friendship you’re giving, it’s time to let it go! No one has died from not having enough friends or no friends at all. But they have from having bad friends. It may sound dramatic but there are enough documentaries to show you what can happen when you have the wrong “friend” in your life.
Commitment to Partners
This is another hard one. I find it difficult to drive this point home because of what we’re taught about romantic relationships. Marriage vows already require you to state that you won’t leave the person no matter what. We’re taught that forgiveness is necessary in your relationships. That’s not wrong. But how many times can you forgive someone for hurting you over and over before you accept that the person doesn’t value or appreciate you? At what point have you proven your commitment to your relationship? Is it after they’ve betrayed you 5 times? Or is it 10 times? According to some, the number is infinite. If your relationship with your significant other feels one-sided, it may be time to move on.
The Inevitable Guilt
When choosing yourself and walking away from what doesn’t serve you there’s often a nagging feeling of guilt that follows. That’s normal and you should push through it. It will be worth it in the end. The guilt is probably from the fact that you’re going against anything you’ve ever been told about loyalty by deciding to cut ties with certain people. It could be that the person or people you are walking away from are master manipulators and are causing you to feel that guilt. Your guilt may also be the result of feeling like you’re leaving people who need you behind. That can be especially true in a professional setting or with family members. But to that, I ask, who’s responsible for making sure you don’t leave yourself behind? You need to grow and you’re the priority. Stop holding yourself back.
The Signs
With all the examples above, you may still be wondering how to know if something is meant for you. Unfortunately, this knowledge requires time, wisdom, and the advice of someone who is unmistakably in your corner. You have to live life to know what serves you and what harms you. Sometimes, those things change through the years too. You may have to endure a hostile work environment to find where you belong. You’ll experience betrayal to understand true loyalty and dedication. You might even have to be deceived multiple times before conceptualizing true devotion. But rest assured that the knowledge will come. And so will the confidence to walk away. However, any feeling of anxiety, terror, dread, or lack of safety are huge red flags and dead giveaways. You don’t deserve that. Trust your gut.
Feel free to comment about your personal experiences below! You never know who you may help by sharing your own unique testimony.
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