I can’t tell you how uncomfortable it is to feel like you’re missing out. Or maybe I can because I know I’m not the only person who experiences fear of missing out (FOMO). Social media doesn’t help either. Before social media existed, when we missed out on something, that was all. You simply missed it. You wouldn’t see Instagram reels, crisp photos, and TikTok videos showing all the fun you missed out on, like the perfect movie. But despite social media, feeling like you weren’t included in the fun or like you missed something important doesn’t feel good in general. Which sounds crazy when you consider that missing out on things is often because you chose not to. So, is FOMO real or not?

FOMO

For those of you who do not know, or use this specific term, FOMO is short for having a fear of missing out. This fear can refer to events, experiences, opportunities, or anything that you’re not a part of for any reason. If you want a more scientific definition, and not my paraphrased version, here you are. Per the Cleveland Clinic, “FOMO, or the fear of missing out, refers to the feeling or perception that other people are having fun, experiencing new things, or living a better life than you.” It’s a feeling that sucks, to put it simply. So naturally, the goal is to avoid it at all costs. But I’ll explain why this is a problem later. But first, I’ll talk about the psychology behind it.

The Psychology

There is more psychology wrapped into this concept than you may think. Let’s tackle the link between FOMO and Social Comparison Theory. Psychology Today defines this as “the idea that individuals determine their own social and personal worth based on how they stack up against others.” In the case of FOMO, you may find yourself feeling left out while simultaneously measuring your worth. You may feel like you’re not as attractive, popular, or smart enough to be included in whatever you’re missing out on. Of course, that’s not true, but it’s hard to prevent yourself from considering this unsettling feeling. Then there are the general insecurities, anxiety, and self-esteem issues that we have all experienced at some point in time. Being left out or missing certain events can subconsciously tap into those feelings of inadequacy. But don’t worry, you’re not alone.

Now I’m going to get really “science-y.” We all love that feeling of satisfaction we get after doing fun things. We often feel it when we are invited or included in things. That, my friends, is dopamine. It’s your reward system. More specifically, “it’s known as the ‘feel-good’ hormone. It gives you a sense of pleasure. It also gives you the motivation to do something when you’re feeling pleasure.” So, since you experience a rush of dopamine when you are involved in the fun, what do you think happens when you can’t partake? That dopamine loop comes to a screeching halt and doesn’t feel good. It can cause a spiral in your overall mental health or severely impact the self-esteem, anxiety, and insecurities that I already mentioned. Therefore, FOMO is quite literally in your head, making it a very real experience.

Is It a Problem?

Now let’s circle back. Is FOMO a problem? It definitely can be. FOMO can be an issue for a few reasons. One of them is the aforementioned negative ways it can affect you psychologically. It’s usually not good when you feel worthless or less than worthy because you are missing out on something. Additionally, it can place you in environments that aren’t safe or where you aren’t appreciated. Maybe the group that excluded you has bad intentions. Or that company that hired someone you know may not be the best work environment for you. FOMO can cause you to desire being in spaces that don’t serve you. That’s never the right move. It can also cause you to do things that won’t benefit you. All I’m suggesting is you seriously consider what you are missing out on and if it’s a good thing.

FOMO can be beneficial sometimes. It can be a motivator if you’re in fear of missing out on things that are good for you. If you are in fear of missing your graduation, you may feel motivated to study harder. You may be anxious about missing out on a job opportunity, so you write the best cover letter you’ve ever created. You can even fear missing out on time with your loved ones. That could motivate you to prioritize other responsibilities, so they don’t interfere with that meaningful time. So, FOMO isn’t all bad. It just means you care. Just be mindful of what you find yourself caring about.

How to Deal With It?

There are various ways you can deal with FOMO. You can take the unhealthy route and never miss anything, ever. But we know this isn’t reasonable, and you’ll eventually either pass out from exhaustion or end up in an environment that isn’t the best for you. So here are some healthier options. Embrace solitude. There’s nothing wrong with missing things. You won’t die, and your world won’t implode. Try not to shut down and bed rot. Further isolating yourself won’t fix anything either. The anxiety and sadness you experience from the FOMO do not need to be the reason you miss out on even more. Take a relaxing bubble bath or indulge in other self-care or fulfilling acts like reading. Easy enough, right? These are positive distractions. And here’s another good option…Stop scrolling! It’ll drive you crazy, enhancing the negative feelings and anxiety. Trust me, doom-scrolling will never be the solution.

Is FOMO real or not?

So, back to the original question. Is FOMO real or not? Yes, yes, yes! It is! You’ve even seen the science, so there’s no denying it now. Don’t let anyone tell you this is a made-up concept or that you’re imagining it. FOMO is not harmful by itself. My concern as someone who knows you deserves happiness is that you won’t benefit from this isolating feeling. Ty this. Explore JOMO (the joy of missing out). Embrace where you are. Accept there’s a reason you’re there. You don’t need to fear missing out on events or people that aren’t meant for you. Take these moments to reflect instead. Explore why you want to be in these spaces and if it’s something you can’t come back from. I promise you, the time you spend feeling icky with a bad case of FOMO isn’t even worth it.

Have you experienced FOMO before? How did you deal with it? Comment below.