This article was written by The Zillennial Zine’s summer editorial intern Jordyn Centerwall. Find her on Instagram at @jordyncenterwall. If you would like to share an article with The Zillennial, send us an email at thezillennialzine@gmail.com.
In a world full of cancel culture and mistakes living forever on the internet, there’s not often much space for forgiveness. And it’s a shame. Forgiveness has been associated with lower levels of depression, anxiety, and greater life satisfaction. Some on social media seem to have leaned into this culture of forgiveness with the no revenge trend. However, this trend has seen a wide amount of use that makes the viewer question whether the trend is instead for clout and beating down the person they’re claiming to not want revenge on. How are people participating in this trend, and is it truly about forgiveness, or just good fun?
What Is The Trend?
The no revenge trend features mostly female creators on TikTok making videos about why they wouldn’t seek retribution toward someone who was once in their life. The trend is mostly about ex-partners, but people have also adapted to friendships as well. At first glance, this trend appears to be about forgiveness and moving forward. Many include messages about being better off or recognizing how it’s everyone’s first life. However, upon further scrolling, it becomes apparent that people are using this trend for several different reasons.
The no revenge trend first began to circulate in August but really picked up close to Halloween. Some creators even adapted the trend to reveal their costumes this year. Now it’s resurfacing again close to the new year. The trend has also been very popular among TikTokers who practice Christianity. Across the several iterations of this trend, the videos seem to fall into four main categories among participants: self-empowering, funny, toxic, and forgiving.
Self-Empowering
The no revenge trend from what I’ve seen, appears to be largely positive. Most people who participated expressed that the reason they choose not to hold onto anger and hurt from past situations is because of where they’ve ended up as a result of it. Others bring attention to how the situations were a testament to the person they are and the love they offer. Some of these still include the idea of being “hard to forget” because of these qualities, which to me indicates that they may still be holding on to the situation. But I also think it’s positive to recognize what you bring to the table and revel in that.
Funny
Even though the trend is mainly about forgiving those who hurt you, some quite funny videos have emerged in response. Many of these toe the line between belittling the other person. One video that I found funny that wasn’t a blatant put-down on the other person was a video where a girl said that she wouldn’t be seeking revenge because people were surprised that she was the one broken up with. While this can be seen as somewhat backhanded, it’s definitely tamer than some of the other videos.
Toxic
I think it’s important to point out that even though the phrase is “no revenge,” many people making these videos don’t appear to wish the people they parted with the best. Instead, the understanding seems to be that revenge isn’t worth it for a variety of reasons. Some of these include: because they’ll eventually show their true colors, they’re already not doing great, and that leaving is revenge enough. There were also plenty of videos putting down the new partners of the ex and drawing toxic comparisons.
When the trend was popular close to Halloween, numerous people also made jokes using their Halloween costumes. Most of these were jabs at a person’s anatomy. Some of the Halloween-themed videos also seemed to suggest that they’d be dressing extra hot or differently than they would have. These videos seem split between toxic and just excitement about their costume. There are even some funny ones like this creator who dressed up as Chicken Little.
Forgiving/Moving Forward
This category was my favorite to see throughout this trend. As a firm believer in the value of living with a love ethic, it’s reassuring to see others recognize that love isn’t wasted if you give it to someone and it doesn’t lead to happily ever after. A theme that came up frequently was the idea of being “just kids.” I like this mindset because it gives both parties to opportunity to grow from the situation.
I also love the amount of empathy that is present in the no revenge trend. So many videos acknowledged that hurt people hurt people. The idea of the person needing the love you offered was also a pattern. Sometimes it was even coupled with the suggestion that you were also meant to learn a lesson through the experience.
How To Forgive
According to Dr. VanderWeele of Harvard University, there are five steps that you can take to move toward forgiveness. VanderWeele explains a method called REACH: Recall, Empathize, Altruistic gift, Commit, and Hold).
The first step is to objectively recall the situation that caused hurt along with all the emotions that it generated. Next, you are called on to try to empathize with whoever did the hurting. Try to put yourself in their shoes to understand but not to minimize what was done. Step three is to think back to a time when you were forgiven and how that felt. The C in REACH stands for commit, and the fourth step is to root yourself in your decision to forgive. Finally, the last step is to hold onto forgiveness. It may be tempting to spiral back into emotions surrounding the wronging when memories of it surface. VanderWeele recommends journaling or writing a letter you won’t send to help with this.
A Playlist For Fans Of This Trend:
Since the no revenge trend is text-based, creators have used a variety of sounds on TikTok. As I was scrolling through the videos, I couldn’t help but notice that some of the songs ranged from ballads to hate anthems. If you like this trend–in all its iterations–here are a few songs that match this same vibe.
- “Someday, someone” by Kenzie Cait
- This song is about believing that eventually you’ll get the treatment you deserve. Kenzie’s lyrics suggest that the best thing you can do is move forward with the hope that you’re headed closer to that person and time.
- “Deeper Well” by Kacie Musgraves
- This song was so reassuring when I first heard it. The idea of finding a deeper source of energy, happiness, love—whatever word you want to apply—and finding it within yourself is so powerful.
- “Don’t Look Back in Anger” by Oasis
- This song has a multitude of meanings. To me, it is about letting go of anger and moving forward in life. In my opinion, remembering a situation for the good that happened will always be more valuable than holding onto the feelings about the bad.
- “Free Now” by Gracie Abrams
- This song is about moving on. It’s gut-wrenching but there’s so much grace in it for both parties.
Forgiveness is easier said than done. It’s easy to only focus on the bad, but recognizing the good can bring relief and eventually allow you to move on. Overall, many creators participating in the no revenge trend seem to genuinely advocate for forgiveness. True, there were plenty that made light of it or used the trend to continue to harbor hurt, but those feelings often must come first. Only once those feelings have been felt can someone move on from situations where they were wronged.
What do you think of the no revenge trend? Let us know in the comments below!
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