This article was written by The Zillennial Zine’s spring editorial intern Lindsay Daneen. Find her on Instagram at @_lindsay_daneen. If you would like to share an article with The Zillennial, send us an email at thezillennialzine@gmail.com.

If you’re like me, you’ll have a mini heart attack when you turn 28. At 29, it will intensify. Why? Because it’s the last year of your 20’s. Your next decade will be staring you in the face. It felt like the Grim Reaper was waiting for me holding a black cake with 30 candles. The only somewhat positive depiction of 30 I remembered growing up was 13 Going on 30. It was scary and anxiety-inducing. Nothing was exciting about it. I was slightly depressed. Then I wondered why I felt that way. Aging is a blessing. It’s a gift not awarded to everyone. Also, 30 isn’t old! Who the hell told us that it was? So as someone who has spent a whole year in this new decade, I’m here to tell you what it’s like, what to expect, and what you should do before turning 30.

What Society Tells You

Like most fears, the fear of aging is society’s fault. Thanks to the world around us we have been tricked (especially as women) into believing that our value in society decreases every year with age. The only thing we seem to be good for after 29, is getting married and having children. Careers are cool and all but not what matters unless you have a family to show for 30 years of life. It’s maddening! Society also tells you that your best years will be between 20 and 29. With roughly 40 more years of life to live, there’s nothing as fun as your 20s. Let’s not forget that you’re supposed to have everything in life figured out by 30. The rest of your life should be set. That’s a lot of pressure to put on only 10 years of your life.

What It’s Like

I’m here to tell you society is mistaken. Like many others, I spent 4 years of my 20s in college. Between undergrad and grad school I was living life, but I was consumed by assignments, internships, and part-time jobs while juggling parties, a boyfriend, friends, and family. And I was broke! You spend a lot of your 20s building a better life for your 30s. Although I had a great time and the stamina to fit it in my 30s are different. For example, no school! There are bills but your money is yours! Your time outside of work is yours! There’s a level of financial and spiritual freedom that comes. You don’t have to check in with anyone about when you come home or what you eat. Life is still a shit show but it’s more controlled. Your 30s are organized chaos whereas your 20s are just pure chaos.

Confidence

I don’t know what the hell came over me when I turned 30 but I felt like hot shit. It sounds crazy but I’m serious. I still have insecurities and fears but it’s mixed with an unparalleled confidence in myself. My self-worth can’t be swayed. My boundaries have been set and solidified. I know myself so much better than I did a few years ago and trust myself more. I’m firm with what I like and what I dislike. I stand up for myself more. I can better determine who and what is worth my precious time. Oh, and trends don’t matter to me anymore. I don’t need to do, eat, or say what’s trending. I wear what I want with no apologies. If I’m comfortable it’s in style. End of story.

No Time for Bullshit

I do not, I repeat. I DO NOT have time for nonsense. If you already feel that way in your 20s it will intensify after 30. The moment something or someone gives me a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach and makes me feel unsafe, or uneasy I walk away. I don’t desire to make it work or force it. I choose myself. Disclaimer though. Some things are worthy of those uncomfortable feelings but my 30s have also given me the wisdom and ability to determine what those things are.

Things I Wish I Knew Before Turning 30

I wish I told myself that regrets are inevitable. It may be 1 thing or 10 things, but you aren’t human if you don’t wonder what life would have looked like if you made a different decision. It’s normal! I wish I didn’t compare myself to others. As life goes on you start to see that the people you compared yourself to don’t have it all. I say this not to be mean but to be realistic. All we see are people’s highlights on social media. How can you compare your multi-dimensional life to someone else’s highlight reel? Once you see what was behind the façade you realize that you aren’t missing anything.

I wish I knew that I’d lose friends. Roughly 14 people attended my 24th birthday brunch. Now my birthday events have about 5 people. Some friends moved away, a couple friendships ended badly, and some relationships just weren’t nurtured. But the ones who are left are soul sisters. I trust them with my dog, my future kids, my deepest secrets, my finances, you name it. They have stood the tests of time and proven themselves time and time again. Life acts as a natural filter.

I also wish I’d appreciated my flaws. In this world, it’s easy to nitpick every aspect of your being, especially the physical ones. I wish I loved my flaws then because funny enough, now I know that they weren’t flaws.

What You Should Do Before Turning 30

Focus on yourself! I can’t stress this enough. Do not rush into relationships or spend time believing that one will complete your life. Avoid having children because others are doing it. Don’t waste precious time on people who make you feel small or worthless. I don’t care if they’re family, friends, or significant others. Find people you admire who challenge you and make you better. Try new things! Try all the things! Learn to love in healthy ways and find people who reciprocate. Get a good therapist. Eat better but keep enjoying junk food. Exercise but make time to be lazy. Find a passion and watch it grow. Travel outside of the country. Travel within the country. Broaden your horizons in any way possible. Keep it reasonable and just go with the flow. It may not feel like it now, but the world is your oyster.

What You Can Really Expect After Turning 30

Life in so many ways has just started. It’s horrifying some days but…. It’s beautiful. Finding yourself and seeing your personal growth throughout the years is so rewarding. Seeing the difficult decisions, you’ve made actually work out is gratifying. Meeting people who align with the evolved version of yourself is fulfilling. And the feeling of telling society and naysayers to fuck off is unmatched! My 30s are teaching me to love myself more, louder, and intentionally. I feel invincible some days while others are tough. But that’s life and I’m so happy to be awarded more of it. So embrace turning 30! You’ll be glad that you did.